I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
