I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
