i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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