6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
