Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Someone signed my nipple.
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