Are we in a gay sports bar?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
