Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
