My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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