Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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