pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
