have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
