with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
