I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
