i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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