the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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