I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
