yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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