I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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