The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
