Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
