Don't you send me to vm
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
