there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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