The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
