They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
