Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
