Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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