So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
