At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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