He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
