You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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