.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
