What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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