Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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