I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
