he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
