I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
