You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
