So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
