What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
