Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
