Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
