One girl and one boy is just not enough.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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