Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
