How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize