You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
