Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
