38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
