Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
