I'm gonna have a badass scar
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
