thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
