I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
