went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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