I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
