No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
