I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
