you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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