I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
