So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
