I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
