Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
