She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
