He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
