We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize