You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
