Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
