i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
