I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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