Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
