Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
