Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I smell like Dick and happiness
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