It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
