I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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