my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
