I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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