Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
