searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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